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State

Status

Episode #

Episode Name

Description

Alabama

Eliminated

AABF18

They Saved Lisa's Brain

Hibbert: Why do we live in a town where the smartest have no power and the stupidest run everything? Maybe I should just move back to Alabama.

Alaska

Eliminated

2F08

Fear of Flying

Official: If word gets out about this, Krazy Klown Airlines will be a laughingstock. In exchange for your silence, I'm prepared to offer your family free tickets to anywhere in the United States. Excluding Alaska and Hawaii, the freak states.

Homer: Woo hoo!

Homer: [at home] Good news, everybody! Because I endangered lives, we can fly anywhere we want!

Bart: Alaska!

Lisa: Hawaii!

Eliminated

FABF14

Catch 'em If You Can

Homer: What kind of an airline routes all their flights through Nome, Alaska?

Marge: Its their Hub.

Arizona

Eliminated

BABF16

Kill the Alligator and Run

Sheriff: Nice try. I guess we just haven't been whipping you enough.

Socialite: Sakes alive! [a big alligator emerges from the courthouse] Our beloved Captain Jack isn't dead, after all! [the crowd murmurs]

Sheriff: Well don't that beat all. I guess you folks just stunned him.

Homer: That's what we've been trying to tell you.

Judge: Well, looks like you folks are free to go. But don't you set foot in the state of Florida again.

Homer: Fine. There are plenty of other states that are happy to have us.

[cut to the Simpsons' living room. A map of the United States is set on an easel. There is a black "X" drawn through all the states except Arizona, Florida, and North Dakota]

Marge: [draws an "X" on the map through Florida] Well, we're still welcome in North Dakota, and Arizona.

Homer: Arizona smells funny.

Marge: [grumbles, and draws an "X" through Arizona]

Lisa: North Dakota, here we come!

Bart: I always wanted to see Mount Rushmore!

Marge: That's South Dakota.

Bart: [disappointed] Ohh.

Arkansas

Eligible

*

*

*

California

Eliminated

2F10

And Maggie Makes Three

Al: You did a great job, Homer, and I'm really going to miss you. The place has never been cleaner, and the way you kept the young people away -- whew! That was beautiful.

[assembled bowlers murmur assent]

Al: Anyway, we all pitched in and we got you this little going away thing.

[a jacket saying "Sorry you had to 'split'"]

Homer: [sniffs] This was the happiest time of my life. I'll never forget you guys. Especially you, Joey.

Joey: [a young boy dressed like a shoe-shine boy] See you 'round, Mr. Homer.

Homer: Don't worry, Joey, we'll make it to California some day.

Joey: Sure we will, Mr. Homer, sure we will. [coughs]

Colorado

Eligible

*

*

*

Connecticut

Eliminated

AABF18

They Saved Lisa's Brain

Marty: We're here live from the KBBL party lot to see how low will you go!

Bill: Our most disgusting contestant will win a free trip to Hartford, Connecticut.

Otto: I thought it was Hawaii!

Bill: No one said Hawaii. Now, let's get stupid with our first contestant, the Human Garbage Disposal!

Eliminated

HABF08

Homer Simpson, This is Your Wife

[[Marge is on a game show where she is wife swapped. While in the other man's house, she opens the door and sees Lisa who has just flown in on a helicopter.]]

Marge: What brings you here to the nutmeg state?

Delaware

Eliminated

CABF17

Simpsons Tall Tales

Marge: I can't believe it! We won another contest!

Homer: The Simpsons are going to Delaware!

Lisa: I want to see Wilmington!

Bart: I want to visit a screen door factory!

Florida

Eliminated

BABF16

Kill the Alligator and Run

Sheriff: Nice try. I guess we just haven't been whipping you enough.

Socialite: Sakes alive! [a big alligator emerges from the courthouse] Our beloved Captain Jack isn't dead, after all! [the crowd murmurs]

Sheriff: Well don't that beat all. I guess you folks just stunned him.

Homer: That's what we've been trying to tell you.

Judge: Well, looks like you folks are free to go. But don't you set foot in the state of Florida again.

Homer: Fine. There are plenty of other states that are happy to have us.

[cut to the Simpsons' living room. A map of the United States is set on an easel. There is a black "X" drawn through all the states except Arizona, Florida, and North Dakota]

Marge: [draws an "X" on the map through Florida] Well, we're still welcome in North Dakota, and Arizona.

Homer: Arizona smells funny.

Marge: [grumbles, and draws an "X" through Arizona]

Lisa: North Dakota, here we come!

Bart: I always wanted to see Mount Rushmore!

Marge: That's South Dakota.

Bart: [disappointed] Ohh.

Eliminated

7F13

Homer vs. Lisa and the 8th Commandment

TV: You're watching `Top Hat Entertainment'. Adult programming all day, every day. (Except in Florida and Utah.) Coming up next, `Stardust Mammaries'...

Bart: Aye, Carumba!

Homer: Bart!

Bart: Dad! [He didn't yell `Homer!']

Eliminated

FABF14

Catch 'em If You Can

Marge: We're ditching our kids and having a second vacation in Miami!


- - - -


Granpa: We made it to Miami, and about time the car's been driving funny since Orlando.
[a man in a donkey suit crawls out from behind the back wheel]

Man: Everything always happens to Eemore...

Eliminated

EABF01

The Great Louse Detective

Sideshow Bob: "Homer, think carefully. Of all the people you have known, who might have reason to do you ill?"

Homer: "Hmm, well there's Mr. Burns, Fat Tony, the emperor of Japan, ex-president Bush..."

Marge: "...the late Frank Grimes..."

Homer: "...PBS, Stephen Hawking, the fat little Dixie Chick..."

Marge: "...and the state of Florida."

Georgia

Eliminated

2F12

Homer the Clown

At Krusty's Clown College (formerly Willie Nelson's house), Krusty addresses the enrollees.

Krusty: All right, now there can only be one Krusty in each territory, so I hope this works out. Tell me where you're from.

Man 1: Georgia.

Texan 1: Texas.

Texan 2: Uh, Brooklyn.

Man 2: Russia.

Man 3: New Hampshire.

Homer: Homer.

Eliminated

4F15

Homer vs. the 18th Amendment

Marge: No more drinking. I'm tired of looking like the world's worst mother.

Homer: Oh, Marge, you're not the world's worst mother. What about that freezer lady in Georgia?

Hawaii

Eliminated

2F08

Fear of Flying

Official: If word gets out about this, Krazy Klown Airlines will be a laughingstock. In exchange for your silence, I'm prepared to offer your family free tickets to anywhere in the United States. Excluding Alaska and Hawaii, the freak states.

Homer: Woo hoo!

Homer: [at home] Good news, everybody! Because I endangered lives, we can fly anywhere we want!

Bart: Alaska!

Lisa: Hawaii!

Eliminated

AABF18

They Saved Lisa's Brain

Marty: We're here live from the KBBL party lot to see how low will you go!

Bill: Our most disgusting contestant will win a free trip to Hartford, Connecticut.

Otto: I thought it was Hawaii!

Bill: No one said Hawaii. Now, let's get stupid with our first contestant, the Human Garbage Disposal!

Eliminated

BABF04

Little Big Mom

Marge: Molokai?

Lisa: You mean Hawaii?

Ned: Mmm-hmm. That's the one. They've got a top-notch leper colony there, so we shipped them right off. Ooh, cost us a bundle, too. [to Rod and Todd] I guess we'll have an imagination Christmas this year.

Rod + Todd: Yay! Imagination Christmas!

Todd: I got a pogo stick. [pantomimes using one]

Rod: I got a hula hoop. [pantomimes using one]

[Marge and Lisa stare silently at one another. Marge makes the "crazy" gesture]

Idaho

Eligible

*

*

*

Illinois

Eligible

8F23

Brother, Can You Spare Two Dimes?

A train station. Herbert Powell is at the ticket booth.


Herb: I want a ticket to Springfield.

Ticket Agent: Springfield, Illinois?

Herb: No.

Ticket Agent: Springfield, Massachusetts?

Herb: No, Springfield...


As Herb says the name of the state, a train whistle blows, preventing us from hearing the answer.


----------


I found this quote on another site, but it was prefaced with this:

"...from a preliminary script to "Brother, Can You Spare Two Dimes"..."

So until I see this episode again and actually hear the quote, I will assume it was just in the preliminary script and never made it to air.

If a reader happens to know if this quote did, in fact, make it to air, I will change this to a red state. I can be contacted via the "Send me an email" link on the Reader Submissions page,


----------


A reader finally emailed me. This quote never made it to air, so it doesn't count. However, I will leave it on here and just not count it.

Indiana

Eligible

*

*

*

Iowa

Eliminated

7G06

Moaning Lisa

Mr. Largo (the music teacher) conducts the school band through a horrid rendition of ``My Country 'Tis of Thee''. Lisa improvises wildly.

Largo: [tapping on music stand] Lisa. [taps louder] LISA SIMPSON! [finally attracting her attention] Lisa, there's no room for crazy bebop in ``My Country 'Tis of Thee''.

Lisa: But Mr. Largo! That's what my country's all about.

Largo: What?!?

Lisa: I'm wailing out for the homeless family living out of a car. The Iowa farmer whose land has been taken away by uncaring bureaucrats. The West Virginia coal-miner caught...

Largo: Well, that's all fine and good, but Lisa, none of those unpleasant people are going to be at the recital next week. Now class, from the top. Five, six, seven...

Kansas

Eligible

*

*

*

Kentucky

Eligible

*

*

*

Louisiana

Eliminated

8F11

Radio Bart

Chief Wiggum: They've located a piece of machinery in Shreveport, Louisiana, but there's no room in the budget to bring it to Springfield. Your boy picked a bad time to fall down a well. If he'd done it at the start of the fiscal year, no problemo.

Maine

Eligible

*

*

*

Maryland

Eliminated

3F13

Lisa the Iconoclast

Pioneers, led by Jebediah Springfield, leave Maryland in 1796 because they misinterpreted a passage in the Bible. They then found the towns of Springfield and Shelbyville.

*exact quote to be posted when I can find it*

Massachusetts

Eliminated

3F08

Sideshow Bob's Last Gleaming

Bart: [gasps] Sideshow Bob! [everyone gasps and screams]

Bob: [on TV] Hello, Springfield. Sorry to divert your attention from all the big noises and shiny things. But something's been troubling me lately: television! Wouldn't our lives be so much richer if television were done away with?

Moe: What?!

Hibbert: [scoffs] Surely he's not talking about VH-1.

Bob: Why, we could revive the lost arts of conversation...and scrimshaw. Thus I submit to you we abolish television, permanently!

Homer: Go back to Massachusetts, pinko!

Bob: Oh, and one more thing. I've...stolen a nuclear weapon. If you do not rid this city of television within two hours, I will detonate it. Farewell.

Eliminated

AABF20

Thirty Minutes Over Tokyo

[Americatown is a themed restaurant with a random assortment of United States politics and pop culture. Each table is shaped like a state. The Simpsons sit at Massachusetts.]

Homer: I can't believe they stuck us at Taxachusetts! [points to table] Hey, you know, I once knew a man from Nantucket.

Bart: And?

Homer: Let's just say the stories about him are greatly exaggerated.

Waiter: Howdy gangstas! I'm average American Joe Salaryman waiter.

Bart: These prices suck! 10,000 yen for coleslaw?

Lisa: Don't you serve anything that's even remotely Japanese?

Waiter: Don't ask me; I don't know anything! I'm product of American education system. I also build poor-quality cars and inferior-style electronics.

Homer: [cackles] Oh, they got our number!

8F23

Brother, Can You Spare Two Dimes?

A train station. Herbert Powell is at the ticket booth.


Herb: I want a ticket to Springfield.

Ticket Agent: Springfield, Illinois?

Herb: No.

Ticket Agent: Springfield, Massachusetts?

Herb: No, Springfield...


As Herb says the name of the state, a train whistle blows, preventing us from hearing the answer.


----------


I found this quote on another site, but it was prefaced with this:

"...from a preliminary script to "Brother, Can You Spare Two Dimes"..."

So until I see this episode again and actually hear the quote, I will assume it was just in the preliminary script and never made it to air.

If a reader happens to know if this quote did, in fact, make it to air, I will change this to a red state. I can be contacted via the "Send me an email" link on the Reader Submissions page,


----------


A reader finally emailed me. This quote never made it to air, so it doesn't count. However, I will leave it on here and just not count it.

Michigan

Eliminated

BABF05

Take My Wife, Sleaze

Homer: Hello, police? Can you send a SWAT team to 742 Evergreen Te --

Wiggum: Forget it, Simpson. Those pig noises you made really hurt my feelings, looking like a pig as I do.

Homer: But you have so much inner beauty.

Wiggum: Well, uh, be that as it may, ah, the gang is wanted in eight other states and we have a little saying around here: Let Michigan handle it.

Eliminated

1F11

Bart Gets Famous

Box Factory Tour Guide: Many interesting and important things have been put into boxes over the years: textiles, other boxes, even children's candy.

Milhouse: Do any of these boxes have candy in them?

Guide: No.

Milhouse: Will they ever?

Guide: No, we only make boxes to ship nails. Any other questions?

Martin: When will we be able to see a finished box, Sir?

Guide: Well, we don't assemble them here -- that's done in Flint, Michigan.

Bart: Have any of the workers ever had their hands cut off by the machinery?

Guide: No --

Bart: And then the hand started crawling around and tried to strangle everybody?

Guide: No, that has never happened.

Bart: Any popped eyeballs?

Guide: I'm not sure what kind of factory you're thinking of; we just make boxes here.

Eliminated

5F21

The Wizard of Evergreen Terrace

Homer: I'm taking Bart across state lines

They then get off the interstate at the exit that says:

"Exit to New Jersey, Michigan, Oregon, and Texas"

Minnesota

Eliminated

BABF08

The Mansion Family

Burns: Now that I'm the town's oldest man, I'm starting to realize I'm not a young man anymore. I'll have to start taking better care of myself. You know, I haven't had a medicino check-up in ages.

Smithers: Sir, you deserve the finest doctors in the world. I'm taking you to the Mayo Clinic in Minnesota.

Burns: Very well, but I'll need someone to watch my house. Who's that fellow who always screws up and creates havoc?

Smithers: Homer Simpson, sir? [points Simpson out on the video monitors. True to his reputation, he takes a saw to his safety console]

Burns: Yes! The way I see it, he's due for a good performance!

Mississippi

Eliminated

3G03

Simpson- califragilistic- expiala- D'oh-cious

Skinner: Boy for sale! Boy for sale!

Jimbo: Is this legal, man?

Skinner: Only here, and in Mississippi.

Eliminated

7G12

Krusty Gets Busted

Kent Brockman: Good evening again, Springfield. Krusty the Klown, the beloved idol of countless tots, now nothing more than a common (alleged) criminal. His trial, which begins tomorrow, has taken center ring in a national media circus, as children of all ages, from 8 to 80, hang onto each new development like so many Rumanian trapeze artists. From his humble beginnings as a street mime in Tupelo, Mississippi, Krusty climbed to the top of a personal mini-empire, with dozens of endorsements including his line own line of pork products. This may have led to one of television's best-loved bloopers, his near fatal heart-attack, in 1986.

Missouri

Eliminated

AABF03

Lisa Gets an "A"

Chalmers: Good lord, what a dump. It's not surprising this school was once classified the most dilapidated in all of Missouri.

[Lisa and Skinner look at each other quizzically]

... that's why it was shut down and moved here, brick by brick.

Eliminated

2F06

Homer Bad Man

Marge: There are only 49 stars on that flag.

Abe: I'll be deep in the cold, cold ground before I recognize Missourah!

Montana

Eliminated

EABF15

Brake My Wife, Please

Homer, not wanting Ned to attend the party, sends Ned on a wild goose chase by sending him a note that says

Dude,
Meet me in Montana.

XXOO,
Jesus (H. Christ)

Ned: [on a train to Montana] I'm coming Jesus!

Nebraska

Unconfirmed

FABF20

All's Fair in Oven War

[Bart and Milhouse are standing next to the stereo in Hugh Heffner style smoking jackets reading Playdudes. They are listening to some music]

Milhouse: So when do the girls start comming over?

Bart: Acording to this, it will get a stewardess to give you a "layover".

Milhouse: I hope it's in Omaha. My grandma lives there.

----------

Since Milhouse doesn't directly say Nebraska, this could be taken as him wanting the layover in his home state so he could visit his grandma. However, since we are talking about a plane trip, it could also be taken as a long distance trip to another state.

Nevada

Eliminated

AABF06

Viva Ned Flanders

[Tatum tosses the two past a sign that reads "State Line"]

Security Man: Get out and stay out. Las Vegas don't care for out-of-towners. Take your money and go someplace else.

Amber: And don't you ever try to marry us again.

Ginger: We found some guys that know how to treat a woman. [indicating Gunter and Ernst]

New Hampshire

Eliminated

2F12

Homer the Clown

At Krusty's Clown College (formerly Willie Nelson's house), Krusty addresses the enrollees.

Krusty: All right, now there can only be one Krusty in each territory, so I hope this works out. Tell me where you're from.

Man 1: Georgia.

Texan 1: Texas.

Texan 2: Uh, Brooklyn.

Man 2: Russia.

Man 3: New Hampshire.

Homer: Homer.

New Jersey

Eliminated

AABF10

Screaming Yellow Honkers

Marge: Go back to New Jersey!

Eliminated

3G01

The Springfield Files

Mulder: There's been another unsubstantiated UFO sighting in the Heartland of America. We've gotta get there right away.

Scully: Well... gee, Mulder, there's also this report of a shipment of drugs and illegal weapons coming into New Jersey tonight.

Mulder: [scoffs] I hardly think the FBI is concerned with matters like that.

Eliminated

5F21

The Wizard of Evergreen Terrace

Homer: I'm taking Bart across state lines

They then get off the interstate at the exit that says:

"Exit to New Jersey, Michigan, Oregon, and Texas"

Eliminated

FABF14

Catch 'em If You Can

Bart: So... Mom and Dad are going to Atlantic City... but their luggage isn't. And Homer is getting the low fat meal.

[Cut to Homer on the plane]

Homer: NOOOO!!!


- - - -


Homer: Oh yeah, like the people of New Jersey have never seen a fat guy and a chick make out. It's on the freaking state flag.

[cut to a picture of the state flag with a picture of a fat guy and a chick making out]

New Mexico

Eliminated

CABF04

Homer vs. Dignity

Smithers: Sir, I have a small personal request.

Burns: Oh, of course, Smithers. Anything. [repeatedly pushes a button marked, "Trap Door"]

Smithers: I disabled the button, sir. [Burns keeps pushing it] Anyway, I need some time off. As you know, I've been writing a musical about the Malibu Stacy doll--

Burns: [gives up on the button] A show about a doll? [laughs] Why not write a musical about the common cat? Or the King of Siam? Give it up, Smithers.

Smithers: Actually, sir, we're booked into a small theater in New Mexico.

Burns: Whoa, slow down there, maestro. There's a *New* Mexico?

Eliminated

1F06

Boy-Scoutz N the Hood

[Homer, Bart, Flanders, and Todd are on a raft going down the rapids. Flanders looks into his backback for his map.]

Flanders: Hey, where's that map I brought?

[Homer has the map folded into a hat on his head. The wind blows it away.]

homer: ummm, I don't know. Lucky for you there's somebody responsible.

[Homer pulls a Krusty Burger placemat map of the entire US out of his bag]

Homer: Hey, there's a New Mexico!

New York

Eliminated

4F23

The Principal and the Pauper

Armin: Well, before I go, I've got some personal items for you. You belong to the Radio Shack Battery Club. Oh, oh, ten Canadian dollars, that's a souvenir from your trip to upstate New York.

Skinner: You've led quite a life, Tanzarian.

Armin: It's your life. I've just kept it warm for you. Oh, I nearly forgot. Your pocket watch. Mother's picture is still inside. Take good care of her.

Skinner: I'll wind her every day.

Eliminated

FABF14

Catch 'em If You Can

[Outside the Niagara Falls Hotel]

[cut to Homer and Marge in their hotel room]

Homer: At last, we're alone

Marge: Homer, the waiter is still in the room!

Eliminated

3F18

Short Films About Springfield

Skinner: Superintendent, I hope you're ready for mouth-watering hamburgers.

Chalmers: I thought we were having steamed clams.

Skinner: Oh, no, I said, "steamed hams." That's what I call hamburgers.

Chalmers: You call hamburgers steamed hams.

Skinner: Yes, it's a regional dialect.

Chalmers: Uh-huh. What region?

Skinner: Uh, upstate New York.

Chalmers: Really. Well, I'm from Utica and I never heard anyone use the phrase, "steamed hams."

Skinner: Oh, not in Utica, no; it's an Albany expression.

Chalmers: I see.

Eliminated

9F08

Lisa's First Word

abe simpson: I was voted the handsomest boy in Albany, New York.

North Carolina

Eligible

*

*

*

North Dakota

Eliminated

BABF16

Kill the Alligator and Run

Sheriff: Nice try. I guess we just haven't been whipping you enough.

Socialite: Sakes alive! [a big alligator emerges from the courthouse] Our beloved Captain Jack isn't dead, after all! [the crowd murmurs]

Sheriff: Well don't that beat all. I guess you folks just stunned him.

Homer: That's what we've been trying to tell you.

Judge: Well, looks like you folks are free to go. But don't you set foot in the state of Florida again.

Homer: Fine. There are plenty of other states that are happy to have us.

[cut to the Simpsons' living room. A map of the United States is set on an easel. There is a black "X" drawn through all the states except Arizona, Florida, and North Dakota]

Marge: [draws an "X" on the map through Florida] Well, we're still welcome in North Dakota, and Arizona.

Homer: Arizona smells funny.

Marge: [grumbles, and draws an "X" through Arizona]

Lisa: North Dakota, here we come!

Bart: I always wanted to see Mount Rushmore!

Marge: That's South Dakota.

Bart: [disappointed] Ohh.

Ohio

Eliminated

1F10

Homer and Apu

Apu: There she is: the world's first convenience store! [points to store on top of mountain]

Homer: This isn't very convenient.

Apu: Must you dump on everything we do?

[They walk up to the sliding doors. A bell dings as they enter and approach a man with white hair and a flowing white beard. He drinks a Squishee, and a sign behind him announces, "The Master Knows All (except combination to safe)."]

Apu: He is the benevolent and enlightened president and C.E.O. of Kwik-E-Mart -- and in Ohio, Stop-O-Mart. He is the one we must ask for my job back.

Master: Approach, my sons. [they do] You may ask me three questions.

Apu: That's great, because all I need is one --

Homer: Are you _really_ the head of the Kwik-E-Mart?

Master: Yes.

Homer: Really?

Master: Yes.

Homer: You?

Master: Yes. I hope this has been enlightening for you.

Apu: But I must --

Master: Thank you, come again.

Apu: But --

Master: Thank you, come again.

Eliminated

FABF14

Catch 'em If You Can

Marge: We're going to visit your Uncle Tyrone in Dayton. Dayton, Ohio!

Oklahoma

Eligible

*

*

*

Oregon

Eliminated

5F21

The Wizard of Evergreen Terrace

Homer: I'm taking Bart across state lines

They then get off the interstate at the exit that says:

"Exit to New Jersey, Michigan, Oregon, and Texas"

Pennsylvania

Eliminated

AABF16

The Old Man and the "C" Student

Chalmers: Laugh it up, you punks, 'cause you and Jan Murray here just cost our town the Olympics.

Bart: Hey, Chalmers, where are you from?

Chalmers: Well, I was born in Queens, went to Ball state, then made the move to Intercourse, Pennsylvania. Uh, why do you ask?

[Bart is about to say something when Skinner Quickly puts his hand over his mouth]

Skinner: Uh, don't worry, sir. I'll teach these children some respect for their town. I'm assigning each of you 20 hours of Community Service.

[the children walk offstage, groaning and moaning]

Ralph: Intercourse?

Rhode Island

Eliminated

BABF12

Pygmoelian

Lenny: [reading license] Hey Moe, this license expired in 1973, and it's only good in Rhode Island ... and it's signed by you.

Moe: Yeah, yeah, I've been meaning to get that updated, uh, for this state and, real.

South Carolina

Inconclusive

DABF06

The Bart Wants What Is Wants

Homer: When it’s time for college, I promise, my darling daughter, to send you to the finest college there is ...... in South Carolina.

Lisa: I will not be a Gamecock!!!

Homer: You will, too!

South Dakota

Eliminated

BABF05

Take My Wife, Sleaze

Meathook: All right, Satans, we roll out at dawn!

Marge: Where are we going?

Meathook: To the bikers' jamboree in South Dakota. You'll love it. Mickey Rourke's coming, and we're gonna jump him.

Eliminated

BABF16

Kill the Alligator and Run

Sheriff: Nice try. I guess we just haven't been whipping you enough.

Socialite: Sakes alive! [a big alligator emerges from the courthouse] Our beloved Captain Jack isn't dead, after all! [the crowd murmurs]

Sheriff: Well don't that beat all. I guess you folks just stunned him.

Homer: That's what we've been trying to tell you.

Judge: Well, looks like you folks are free to go. But don't you set foot in the state of Florida again.

Homer: Fine. There are plenty of other states that are happy to have us.

[cut to the Simpsons' living room. A map of the United States is set on an easel. There is a black "X" drawn through all the states except Arizona, Florida, and North Dakota]

Marge: [draws an "X" on the map through Florida] Well, we're still welcome in North Dakota, and Arizona.

Homer: Arizona smells funny.

Marge: [grumbles, and draws an "X" through Arizona]

Lisa: North Dakota, here we come!

Bart: I always wanted to see Mount Rushmore!

Marge: That's South Dakota.

Bart: [disappointed] Ohh.

Tennessee

Eliminated

3F17

Bart on the Road

Tennessee courier Dispatcher: Well, you sure don't look 25, but your unlaminated, out-of-state driver's license is proof enough for me.

Later on, at the end of the same episode:

Marge: [answering] Hello? Oh hello, Principal Skinner. No, Bart has never been to Hong Kong. Good night. [hangs up]

[the phone rings again]

[answering] Hello? Tennessee State Police? No, my son's car was not crushed in Knoxville. I don't know where to begin telling you what's wrong with that.

[hangs up]

[the phone rings again]

[answering] Hello? No, Bart is not available tomorrow to deliver a human kidney to Amsterdam.

[Homer, who has dived under the covers, snorts]

Homer, are you laughing at me?

Eliminated

DABF03

Sweets and Sour Marge

Garth Motherloving: Homer, we need your help to smuggle some sugar from south of the border.

Homer: You mean Tennessee?

Garth Motherloving: No, the the island of San Glucose

Texas

Eliminated

2F20

Who Shot Mr. Burns? Part Two

Marge: Well, I'm just relieved that Homer's safe and that you've recovered and that we can all get back to normal. If Maggie could talk I'm sure she'd apologize for shooting you.

Burns: I'm afraid that's insufficient. Officer: arrest the baby!

Wiggum: Hah. Yeah, right, pops. No jury in the world's going to convict a baby. Mmm...maybe Texas.

Eliminated

2F12

Homer the Clown

At Krusty's Clown College (formerly Willie Nelson's house), Krusty addresses the enrollees.

Krusty: All right, now there can only be one Krusty in each territory, so I hope this works out. Tell me where you're from.

Man 1: Georgia.

Texan 1: Texas.

Texan 2: Uh, Brooklyn.

Man 2: Russia.

Man 3: New Hampshire.

Homer: Homer.

Eliminated

7F17

Old Money

Ghost of Bea Simmons: Oh, Abraham, calm down. I'm not here to scare you. They've got me haunting a family in Texas.

Eliminated

3F19

The Curse of the Flying Hellfish

Mrs. Krabappel: Let's start with Milhouse's grandfather.

Van Houten: Uh, how many of you have a house?

[children raise their hands]

Van Houten: All right, now how many of you drove your house to school today?

[children raise their hands again, then wake up]

Children: Huh?

Van Houten: Well, I did. [chuckles] No, I'm not Superman; I just own an RV. Me and the new wife travel the country searching for adventure. Last fall, we won a chili cook-off in Beaumont, Texas.

Children: Wow!

Eliminated

5F21

The Wizard of Evergreen Terrace

Homer: I'm taking Bart across state lines

They then get off the interstate at the exit that says:

"Exit to New Jersey, Michigan, Oregon, and Texas"

Utah

Eliminated

2F11

Bart's Comet

Skinner: Oh, it won't come down for months. Curse the man who invented helium! Curse Pierre-Jules-Cesar Janssen. Now to find out who did this...Bart! Empty your pockets.

Bart: Empty _my_ pockets, you say? [does so] Well, certainly, but I fail to see how --

Skinner: [picking something up] Hmm...blueprints of the dummy... notarized photos of you _making_ the dummy...and an alternate wording for the _banner_, "Buttzilla".

Bart: Race you to Utah, Milhouse.

Milhouse: OK.

Eliminated

7F13

Homer vs. Lisa and the 8th Commandment

TV: You're watching `Top Hat Entertainment'. Adult programming all day, every day. (Except in Florida and Utah.) Coming up next, `Stardust Mammaries'...

Bart: Aye, Carumba!

Homer: Bart!

Bart: Dad! [He didn't yell `Homer!']

Vermont

Eliminated

3F11

Scenes From the Class Struggle in Springfield

One of the Socialites states she will only eat food flown in from Vermont or Washington State.

*exact quote to be posted when I can find it*

Virginia

Eliminated

FABF20

All's Fair in Oven War

[Homer and Marge are sitting on the couch watching Black Dracula on TV.]

Homer: You know, Black Dracula is now a congressman from Virginia.

Washington

Eliminated

3F11

Scenes From the Class Struggle in Springfield

One of the Socialites states she will only eat food flown in from Vermont or Washington State.

*exact quote to be posted when I can find it*

Washington, D.C.

Eliminated

8F01

Mr. Lisa Goes to Washington

Homer: Wow, `Win a trip to Washington, DC. All expenses paid, VIP tour'... Oh, it's for kids. [throws into trash]

Lisa: Wait, Dad. [fishes out of trash] Mm, an essay contest. Children under twelve, three hundred words, fiercely pro-American. Sounds interesting.

West Virginia

Eliminated

7G06

Moaning Lisa

Mr. Largo (the music teacher) conducts the school band through a horrid rendition of ``My Country 'Tis of Thee''. Lisa improvises wildly.

Largo: [tapping on music stand] Lisa. [taps louder] LISA SIMPSON! [finally attracting her attention] Lisa, there's no room for crazy bebop in ``My Country 'Tis of Thee''.

Lisa: But Mr. Largo! That's what my country's all about.

Largo: What?!?

Lisa: I'm wailing out for the homeless family living out of a car. The Iowa farmer whose land has been taken away by uncaring bureaucrats. The West Virginia coal-miner caught...

Largo: Well, that's all fine and good, but Lisa, none of those unpleasant people are going to be at the recital next week. Now class, from the top. Five, six, seven...

Wisconsin

Eliminated

EABF16

In The Bart of War

Nelson: It's clean, like Wisconson.

Wyoming

Eligible

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